today is one of those days that i'm supposed to enjoy myself but i really didn't...

everytime i had a chance to do something, i didn't... and after that i felt stupid about it...

i even did 2 things that i liked alot...
1) looking at CDs
2) sitting in the coffee house

but none of them i enjoyed as much as i used to...
it's so sad really...

i think i'm not the person i used to be before, i'm not as strong, not as powerful.
i could easily lead a life that involves only one person last time, and enjoy myself, taking care of myself, but now it's different, now it's all about how other people threat me, what they think or going to think about me, there are sometimes just too many things to consider that i get abit frustrated with myself. somethimes there are things that i can do but i don't do them , because at that time it seems so embarrassing, or akward, but after that it just becomes worse.... which drives me nuts more...

i'm just so useless...
eevrything about my life now just makes me feel so down....
i just need a super duper sad song now... wah to sink into depression for a while and then once i've hit rock bottom, i'll come back up again, so ppl who read this don't be so worried...

i trust that all who read this are my closer friends, if there is anything you could do to be yourself at this point of time, jst do it..

things that i like,

sitting in the coffee house, sitting around talking to close friends

going to see the stars in the middle of the night

sitting on the beach waiting for sunrise

laying down in the sun

blasting the aircon hiding under the blanket

feeling sad from a song

bathing in hot water, and singing to disturb my neighbour

having someone try their best to get me out of bed

having friends call me in the middle of the night

doing a 3000 word essay

arguing about religion

looking at watches

finding fault with my teacher's teachings

eating good food

being messy but organised=organise messes

laughing out loud at comedies

falling asleep while watching a show

getting the chance to nag at ppl

we should enjoy the little things in life that come by us, even for a moment, and then carry on with our daily lives.

today, right here, i'll like to thank a few special people in my life,
cheryl, lyna, lyly, san san, kee hong, siew ting, ying xian, jean yup, jing wen, qi ling, huang tian cheng, zhang xiu yan, lee bai yang, siva kumar menom, chan siew boon, elizabeth lim, wong chik siew, xu yi ping, nelson kwei, ajc first 3 months, ajc jae 1206, my family

my life would have been so much more boring without you guys.
thank you...

hi, it's me again.. not been here for quite a while i know but who reads this shit anyways? haha.. probably you.... thanx for checking me from time to time.... cause not everyone does that...

anyways today was a special day for me i guess, cause today i found a diamond in the rocks, or at least i hope so... you know when you find something like that, it doesn't look of any value yet, it's just a chunk of rock, but it has the potential to be precious...

there is something about this rock that really intrigues me, the funny thing is that it doesn't think it's a diamond... it thinks it's like any other rock-basalt if you will...

it is stubbornly strong, in the sense it is itself and very little or close to nothing has the ability to change it.

i don't come across diamonds too often, but this one is different...

ha, there are many things that i feel but i cannot write because i don't even know for sure if this is a diamond that i can keep, so i will write again once i have polished it, and be proud to tell about it...

haha... hey if you are reading this don't bring this up okie?