running away is the best thing i do now....
running away from my responsibilities

i'm tired,
i'm bored,
i'll do it later,
i'm sick-haha

what's wrong with me?
how did i let myself become like that?
life has changed for me....
with the people in my life,
what i want to become has changed,
what i was once good at is now no more,
and i'm not going to blame anyone but myself for letting this happen,
no one should take the blame( but the government)-haha

i watched a show on happiness just now-just shoot 2
there where many different definations of happiness
happiness is in making the right choice
happiness is a state of mind

so what is happiness anyway?
i think happiness should being able to love someone and have someone love you? No?
i think happiness is a funny feeling you get when you laugh
i think it is watching something sleep peacfully, animal or person
i think happiness should be you,
so thank you for you...


note i had taken medication so i just make not may sense....haha

oh it's been a while since a blogged...

nothings up lately, just fell sick oh that's nothing

so anyways, the next big thing is going to XIAMEN!!!!!!!!!!! oh man have i been looking forward to this the whole year....

and it's this saturday! 22... can you believe it?

i just hope it's not going to be one of those hotels that has water that is yellow or brown...
the room is clean, in every sense...
we have a tv and proper channels to watch...
a good cafe below, or better still shopping area...
that it wouldn't be so hot...

ya, so that's it,

this blog is staring to become a wish list.... oh well.... i just hope "somebody" is watching...
haha...

anyways, i'll update you guys when i come back...
(note) please do not call me from 22-27 of july even to find out result, if i call you you know, if i don't you know too.. ok? take care till i come back...

thoughts

i'd like to be walking in the rain on my way home on a lazy monday afternoon

i'd like to be having coffee at a dark old coffee house, in my usual sit, when it's raining , reading a novel on tuesday

i'd like to wake up late on a wednessday morning, not do my bed and have branch with my dog(sam-if i ever get one)

i'd like to work late into the night on hardworking thursday- and have a mid-night snack watching comedy

i'd like to sit on a roof on a clear firday night gazing at the stars and form my own name-ego haha

i'd like to be a friend on saturday and follow whatever my friends do

i'd like to be watching playful dogs run around the sandy beach on sunday

i'd like to do all these and so much more...
but life does not always happen that way, life is always like a thursday.... haha
but we got to find some time, to enjoy ourselves, to let us be able to think about little things and just smile, and you find that after thursday comes friday and all the other days....

hmmm, i guess you can call me a sadist,

i kinda like feeling sad, i think it makes a person real, or at least i feel real

when i feel sad, i want to see who would be there to break my fall, and i don't usually make it easy for them... i'm sorry
or is it just a test? i guess part of me is doing that, but the other part is genuinely sad.

there is a dido song "see you when you're 40"
"You think that you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down
So see you when your 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad"

i guess, indulging in sadness is not too good, but i enjoy such aimlessness from time to time, just space out, stone, numb, whatever...
i need someone who i can truely count on.. don't get me wrong i'm not despo but i think that friends for life sometimes have very strong bonds- like the people in "friends"
i remember pheebs saying, "girl and boy friends come in and out, but this(friendship) is for life"
and i believe in that. i really do, cause i think i already found someone like that.

haha, dido sang another song that i'll leave you with, i hope whoever is reading this understands

Like a ghost don't need a key
Your best friend I've come to be
Please don't think of getting up for me
You don't even need to speak
When I've been here for just one day
You'll already miss me if I go away
So close the blinds and shut the door
You won't need other friends anymore

Oh don't leave home, oh don't leave home

If you're cold I'll keep you warm
If you're low just hold on
Cause I will be your safety
Oh don't leave home

I arrived when you were weak
I'll make you weaker, like a child
Now all your love you give to me

When your heart is all I need

Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
When it's just you and little me
Everything is clear and everything is new
So you won't be leaving will you

this post is dedicated to some people, to these people, all the songs please do not take them literally, haha, rite... bye