hi, have not post anything here in quite a while,
well, should i say thanks for coming back if you did?
haha...
anyways, life has been dealing me it's fair share this few days,
i've been having the not-really-what-i-would-like-to-live-through-again days...
was late for school today, cause i normally wait for my dad to wake me up,
but today he was feeling under the weather, so i woke up late...
didn't get much of a lecture from my teacher, as much as a "oh..."
ya, i still pretty unsure what i'm going through now,
i'm confused, i don't know if i have given up upon myself nowadays, like really
prelims is in like 2 weeks and frankly, not too much pressure...
funny, don't feel like doing any work today, although i owe 3 newspaper articles, 2 geog practices and an assessment, chemistry, physics, math... blah blah blah...
oh how i've changed...
i used to be a driven type, you know.... just want to be there to flaunt my work and stuff,
yeah so i'm evil sometimes, but lately it's been like what fuck, (oh yeah and i'm using the word more) and it's been like i don't really give a damn. cause frankly, i think i'm quite stupid, and i feel like i'm wasting my time, just studying when really, really now, i don't think i'm going to be too good at it...so i'm thinking might as well have some fun now, before other people realize the shit has hit the fan...
ha most of the time this freaks me out... like what am i going to do? god knows
i tell you if there were really a jobs to skive around all day, i wouldn't be too good at that either.. haha...
i think i could have done it if i had realized earlier, you know, really like make it better in my studies, but now i'm just pressed for deadline after deadline, and also died deadlines, that you know i just want to let it go. and you think that i would be feeling regretful and all bad inside, but guess what i really don't give a fuck! i really think life is too short for me to enjoy, and honestly, it ain't gona be pretty when i have to step out into the real world later... no one's gona be there for me to correct my mistakes...
i guess i just be phoebe like in friends, be one of those, wondering gypsy like things, but problem is i'm a guy, and it's more difficult that way, maybe just a waiter, or some lowly job that i can complain about to my friends, that's if i have any, or just be a sad old sod that lives alone in some crapy place, but you know singapore has no place wacko enough.
oh but i guess gone are those thoughts too.
where were the days where life was simple and you had time? time for a proper life?
time to go to the beach and just sit and rot with your best?
time when you can spend the saturdays or sundays out just catching a movie, or spending a hazy afternoon in a coffee house, just hanging and enjoying that someones there with you?
time when you can do your favourite things with your favourite people, and not feeling guilty that you should be doing work? you should be out there studying, and learning and all that crap.
they say students have a great life, wait till you become an adult. gosh what the hell do they go through?
my parents are working very hard, it's hard to support me,
i spend more than a thousand on tuition a month,
i take their money to spend on trips overseas,
i've been going to the doctors quite often and going to see more,
i feel like i've taken from them so much, and i'm worried that i can't repay,
you know really, sometimes, all i want i to just stop all these,
there are times where life is just a sick game to play, but other times there are these little things in life that still get you up. and those things are the laughter in life.
i recognize i'm a good for nothing, and a good at nothing, people are usually good at things, but i can't even find thing.
well i guess there is nothing more that i can do really...
know this that i have no intentions of you, one who reads this, to read this. i'm just trying to sort out my life by writing and recording my life, isin't this what it supposedly to be?
