hmmm, i guess you can call me a sadist,

i kinda like feeling sad, i think it makes a person real, or at least i feel real

when i feel sad, i want to see who would be there to break my fall, and i don't usually make it easy for them... i'm sorry
or is it just a test? i guess part of me is doing that, but the other part is genuinely sad.

there is a dido song "see you when you're 40"
"You think that you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down
So see you when your 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad"

i guess, indulging in sadness is not too good, but i enjoy such aimlessness from time to time, just space out, stone, numb, whatever...
i need someone who i can truely count on.. don't get me wrong i'm not despo but i think that friends for life sometimes have very strong bonds- like the people in "friends"
i remember pheebs saying, "girl and boy friends come in and out, but this(friendship) is for life"
and i believe in that. i really do, cause i think i already found someone like that.

haha, dido sang another song that i'll leave you with, i hope whoever is reading this understands

Like a ghost don't need a key
Your best friend I've come to be
Please don't think of getting up for me
You don't even need to speak
When I've been here for just one day
You'll already miss me if I go away
So close the blinds and shut the door
You won't need other friends anymore

Oh don't leave home, oh don't leave home

If you're cold I'll keep you warm
If you're low just hold on
Cause I will be your safety
Oh don't leave home

I arrived when you were weak
I'll make you weaker, like a child
Now all your love you give to me

When your heart is all I need

Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
When it's just you and little me
Everything is clear and everything is new
So you won't be leaving will you

this post is dedicated to some people, to these people, all the songs please do not take them literally, haha, rite... bye